Many people struggle with self-doubt because they compare themselves to other people, or to an ideal future version of themselves. In this article, I explore how the Growth Mindset and the concepts from The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy can help us focus on our progress instead, building greater confidence, courage and resilience.
The Courage to Measure Progress Differently
A new opportunity and an unexpected insight
I got a notification from my library app on my phone saying that I was now next in line to take out the audio book “The Gap and the Gain” by Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy. I immediately clicked the “loan” button, and started listening to it in my car, on my way to my new office.
You see, a few weeks ago, I shared that I have my industrial style art on display at the Tryst in Johannesburg. Well, that opportunity came about because I joined an entrepreneurial network known as Suits & Sneakers, and felt brave enough to ask for and then create that opportunity.
A few weeks later, Mark Sham who runs that venue and the Suits & Sneakers community, sent out a note looking to fill his Community Manager role. And the way he described that role, something lit up in me. This role is the intersection of all my skills, interests and experience, and fits me in such a way, that it felt like Mark had created it just for me.
So, my news is that I got the position and am now delighted to be building the community of Suits & Sneakers! I’m still here as well though, just my offering of one-on-one coaching and training will be scaled down as I put most of my time and energy into my new focus.
So back to my car, listening to the audiobook, and realising as I tackle my new morning commute to the office, how the gap and gain mindset fits with and grows from something I share often when helping you develop the Growth Mindset.
It’s a way of thinking about our intelligence and ability to develop and improve, where we believe that these aspects of ourselves can be developed, if we just apply ourselves and work at improving them. They are not fixed or predetermined (the Fixed Mindset) but can grow and get better.
To develop this, we need to look at how we compare our progress and growth to others. What I share around comparison to others, is actually the foundation too for the Gap and Gain idea. It is an extension of the growth mindset where we use our past self as the benchmark, rather than other people.
I’ve always explained why comparing ourselves to others creates imposter feelings. And to add to that now, the Gap and Gain explains what happens emotionally when we compare ourselves to an ideal future version of ourselves instead of our past self.
Here’s the connection my driving time allowed me to make.
Why comparing ourselves to others creates self-doubt
A growth mindset, where we are aiming to get better, has the characteristic of us comparing ourselves to ourselves. We are far more focused on making progress, than on competing with others. And we want to learn new skills and develop ourselves more. We end up enjoying the journey of learning in the area of our choice. The only way to measure this growth, is to compare to our own past performance.
The best benchmark to use that activates our growth mindset and keeps the imposter phenomenon away, is our past self. Our only competitor becomes our self, and our focus is then on our own development.
When our past self is our own benchmark, it shifts others into the category of role models. They are examples of what is possible. They show us one strategy that might be useful. They become a light of inspiration and a fellow human worth celebrating on the journey of life, rather than a competitor to beat.
The difference between The Gap and The Gain
So as I have been listening to The Gap and The Gain, I’ve been struck by how closely it aligns with what I’ve taught for years about comparison and growth.
The difference is that Sullivan and Hardy take the idea one step further. They describe two ways we can measure our lives.
The Gap
- The Gap is when we measure ourselves against an ideal, like the person we think we should be, or the goal we haven’t achieved yet. We are trying to measure up to the version of ourselves that is always somewhere in the future.
The Gain
- The Gain though is when we measure ourselves against where we started. We compare ourselves against who we were a year ago, the skills we’ve developed since then, the conversations we’ve had the courage to start, and even the challenges we’ve already overcome.
What I find particularly useful about this distinction is that both ways of comparing can involve exactly the same goal. We can still have a vision for where we want to go. And we can still be ambitious and committed to growth.
The difference is where we place our attention.
If we focus only on the distance still left to travel, we live in the Gap. If we regularly acknowledge how far we have already come, we live in the Gain.
How measuring progress builds courage
Courageous living requires us to keep stepping into the unknown. We are striving to have more often the difficult conversations that will make a difference. We speak up when it would be easier to rather stay silent. We take considered action before we feel ready.
And if we only ever measure ourselves against the ideal future version of who we think we should be, we will almost always feel behind. We will overlook the bravery it took us to get this far. We will discount the progress we’ve already made, and we’ll more than likely keep moving the goalposts of our own success. And that just leaves us feeling frustrated and unaccomplished.
A different question to ask yourself
Sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is stop asking, “How far do I still have to go?” and start asking, “How far have I already come?”
Because we won’t build our courage by constantly measuring the distance to an ideal. Rather, we will build it by recognising the ground we’ve already covered.
Here’s to recognising how far we’ve come, while still keeping our eyes on where we want to go.
Key Takeaways
- Comparing yourself to others often creates self-doubt and imposter feelings.
- A Growth Mindset focuses on comparing yourself to your past performance.
- The Gap measures distance from an ideal future.
- The Gain measures progress from where you started.
- Courage grows when we recognise how far we have already come.
Ready for your next courageous step?
Recognising how far you’ve come is important. The next step is often having the conversation you’ve been avoiding.
If you’d like some support with that, subscribe to my newsletter and I’ll send you my free guide: ‘7 Top Tips for Courageous Conversations’.
Because courage isn’t something we wait to feel, it’s something we build through action.
About Telana Simpson
Telana Simpson is a speaker, trainer and coach who helps people develop the courage, confidence and communication skills needed to have meaningful conversations, overcome self-doubt and live more aligned lives.
