Why do I freeze when I’m put on the spot?

“I knew what I wanted to say, but my mind just went blank.”

Sound familiar?

This is one of the most common experiences I hear from professionals I work with. And I’ve lived it myself too. Freezing when we need to say something, and especially in high-pressure moments, like meetings or tough conversations, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means your brain is doing exactly what it’s wired to do under stress: protect you.

In an episode of Let’s Talk Courageous Communication, I spoke with Dr. André Vermeulen, a leading expert in brain performance and agility, to unpack this freeze response. What we discussed is both fascinating and empowering. And it might just change how you see those moments when you freeze.

What actually happens in the brain when you freeze?

When I asked Dr. Vermeulen why we freeze, he explained that the brain has a built-in survival system.

“When we’re stressed, the fight, flight, or freeze response kicks in,” he said. “And when that happens, certain parts of the brain shut down to protect us. We lose access to the prefrontal cortex: the part of the brain that helps us think clearly, make decisions, and speak.”

So, in that moment when someone turns to you in a meeting and says, “What do you think?” and your brain suddenly goes blank? That’s your nervous system prioritizing keeping you safe. It thinks you’re in danger for some reason, not just being asked for your opinion.

My freeze moment (and what it taught me)

Back in my days in a startup, I’d freeze all the time.  Especially in meetings where I felt I had to perform, where the MD had expressed his high expectations of me to assist him. I remember once he asked for my input in front of a client. I knew the answer. Yet now that I was put on the spot and it was my turn to speak, my body flushed with heat, my heart raced, and my mind emptied like someone had wiped a whiteboard clean.

And I hated that feeling. I thought it meant I wasn’t capable.

But what I now know (and what Dr. Vermeulen confirmed) is that those moments are not a sign of weakness. They’re a sign that my system was overwhelmed and untrained to handle that kind of pressure while staying present.

The missing skill: Brain Agility

Dr. Vermeulen introduced the concept of brain agility, which he defines as the ability to switch between different brain states and thinking styles depending on what the moment requires. And here’s the good news: brain agility can be developed.

“It’s like a muscle,” he said. “The more you work with your brain and emotional responses, the more flexible and resilient you become.”

So instead of staying stuck in the freeze loop, we can train our brains to stay engaged, even under pressure.

Why this matters for professionals

If you’re someone who wants to:

…then understanding your freeze response is crucial.

Because your impact as a leader or contributor depends not just on what you know, but on your ability to communicate it when it counts.

When your nervous system feels hijacked, your access to language, memory, and clarity shrinks. So instead of being seen as capable and insightful, you may come across as hesitant or unclear. That gap between what you know internally and what you’re able to say out loud? That’s where so much frustration and self-doubt builds.

How to rewire the freeze response: 5 practical tools

  1. Regulate your body first

When your body goes into freeze, your mind follows. One of the fastest ways to return to clarity is to ground yourself physically.

  • Take one slow breath in, and a longer breath out.
  • Place your feet flat on the floor.
  • Feel the weight of your body in the chair.

This helps signal to your nervous system: “We’re safe. You can stay online.”

  1. Name what’s happening (internally)

Even quietly saying to yourself, “I’m feeling a bit frozen right now,” helps create distance between you and the panic. This tiny moment of awareness can interrupt the spiral.

  1. Anchor in a phrase

Create a simple, go-to phrase you can say when put on the spot. For example:

“Give me a moment to think that through.”

Or

“Let me reflect on that for a second.”

This buys you time and shows poise. It also keeps you from defaulting to silence.

  1. Practice under mild pressure

You can build brain agility through safe, small moments of stress. Join a group, participate in low-stakes conversations, or even speak up once in a team huddle. The key is progressive exposure.

As Dr. Vermeulen put it:

“Experience and emotion are the teachers. The more you do it, the easier recall becomes.”

  1. Rehearse emotional tolerance, not just words

Most people prepare what they want to say. But if you freeze, it’s not about content. It’s about the feeling of being seen, judged, or wrong.

Use visualisation to imagine being in that moment and staying grounded. Let your body practice tolerating visibility.  And do the deep work to uncover the cause behind feeling so stressed in these moments  (hint- I often find it’s due to the way we construct our sense of worth).

It’s not just in your head

This is a big one. Many professionals I coach think the freeze response means they’re incompetent or lacking confidence.

But neuroscience tells us otherwise. This is a physiological, emotional, and cognitive experience. And it’s trainable.

Dr. Vermeulen reminded me in our conversation:

“The key is accessing more parts of our brain. When we can move from the default stress reaction to a more flexible state, we make better decisions, communicate better, and connect better.”

Final thoughts: you’re not broken. You’re wired for safety.

Freezing is not a flaw. It’s your body trying to protect you. But with the right tools, awareness, and emotional practice, you can create a new experience: one where your voice shows up when it matters most.

You don’t have to live at the mercy of your stress response. You can build the emotional safety, brain agility, and courage to speak up with clarity and calm, even when put on the spot.

If this resonates with you, know that this is exactly the kind of transformation I guide clients through inside my [be brave] Coaching Journey.

Want help rewiring your freeze response? Book a Readiness Call to explore private coaching.

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